The lastest craze in problem solving at school is called a restorative justice circle. Students sit in a circle and air out their feelings. There's no cross talk, and only the person with the talking stick (in our case, a ruler) may speak. There are no put downs, no negative comments, just open communication - in theory :)
The girls in my class have been asking for to have an RJ circle for the past few days. Apparently the boys have been driving them crazy. So today we sacrificed our math period (much to everyone's relief), pushed all furniture to the edge of the room and formed our makeshift circle in the middle.
When they first sat down, all girls sat on one side of the circle, boys on the other. At the risk of starting World War III, I requested a seating change; a boy-girl pattern. I've never had so many simultaneous dirty looks, but they complied.
The girls spoke of feeling inferior. They didn't think they mattered. The boys were making them feel worthless. They tell them to stop acting like "such girls" when they are upset or angry. Call them sluts, lesbians, hoes. They eavesdrop on conversations, instigate fights among groups of girls and stand back to watch the drama unfold.
The boys felt attacked. Surely, not all of them are that way. Yes, they've said things in passing. Called names just to tease. Laughed as the girls were mean to one another, calling them drama queens, spazzes, saying they need to be on pills to help with their anger. But never did they mean to hurt.
What was most poigniant was when the boys began apologizing. They told everyone how much they really cared about them. They didn't hesitate to say that this class was, in a way, their family. And that they should be treating their family better. One spoke up and told us that as a Christian, he believed we were all brothers and sisters. Everyone, regardless of belief, agreed. They all shared how they loved everyone and ought to regard everyone as equals. They stood up as young men today. They opened their hearts, spoke their minds, with honesty being of the outmost importance.
In no way did I guide this discussion. I did not force conversation or ask questions. In fact, I sat in silence for the duration and just listened. Not one person said anything that they thought I, as a teacher, wanted to hear, or what anyone else wanted to hear for that matter. Each spoke from the heart. When a girl cried, a boy stood up to get her kleenex. I'm sorries were exchanged. There were hugs, smiles.
I closed telling them that they were all strong people with beautiful hearts. That they needed to carry the discussion beyond our class doors, to the playground, to their homes, into every relationship. That one day, they would need to have open, heart-felt discussions with their parents, boyfriends, girlfriends, spouses, children. I told them to remember the day in the sixth grade when they allowed themselves to be vulnerable, to be honest, treating one another with love and respect.
I'm so proud of my 27. They give me hope.
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