Boldly getting started

I've been thinking for some time that I want to do a study of Proverbs 31. Rephrase. I need to do a study of Proverbs 31. I want with all my heart to be considered to be like the woman described in those verses.

I thought of starting it in the new year. A project to start off a new season of my life. But if I feel called to do this, why am I waiting until January? This is the bold obedience that I am learning about and trying to apply. Delayed obedience is immediate disobedience in God's eyes - one of the girls in our small church group quoted that today. It stuck.

So here we go - a study of the Proverbs 31 woman. What am I hoping to get from this?  A deeper understanding of what God expects of me. A knowledge of how to be a God honoring wife and mom one day. Ways to apply it to my life now.

Here's my study text in it's entirety, let's get started...

 The Wife of Noble Character
^{10 [b]}A wife of noble character who can find?
   She is worth far more than rubies.
¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her
   and lacks nothing of value.
¹² She brings him good, not harm,
   all the days of her life.
¹³ She selects wool and flax
   and works with eager hands.
¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
   bringing her food from afar.
¹⁵ She gets up while it is still night;
   she provides food for her family
   and portions for her female servants.
¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
   out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously;
   her arms are strong for her tasks.
¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable,
   and her lamp does not go out at night.
¹⁹ In her hand she holds the distaff
   and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
²⁰ She opens her arms to the poor
   and extends her hands to the needy.
²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
   for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
²² She makes coverings for her bed;
   she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
²³ Her husband is respected at the city gate,
   where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
   and supplies the merchants with sashes.
²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;
   she can laugh at the days to come.
²⁶ She speaks with wisdom,
   and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
   and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;
   her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many women do noble things,
   but you surpass them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
   but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
³¹ Honor her for all that her hands have done,
   and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Hypothetically Speaking

Ever stage conversations in your head? Plan the whole dialogue in your mind, knowing what you'll say (which always seems to come so eloquently) and miraculously knowing how the other person will respond (apologetic and clearly seeing what you say is nothing short of the truth). I've become an expert at these lately. Call me crazy, but I've been having these potential talks in my brain every day for the past few weeks. There are so many questions I have, but more than that, so many things I would say if I had the chance.

But why wait for that chance? Do I really want to go back there to make that conversation a reality? When this new season in my life started, I was relieved. Ready to start fresh. Looking forward to what came next. But that initial enthusiasm has worn off, and I feel myself slowly backing up.

Over the past few weeks at Elevation, Pastor Steve has been teaching about Hebrews 12. I've lost count of how many times I've watched the first video podcast of the series. I'm trying to surround myself with the things of God, with books, scripture, music, sermons, prayers. I'm trying to lean solely on Him, to flood my thoughts with what He has to say, hoping it will drown out the other conversations that are trying to take over.

The first sermon focuses on the first three verses of the chapter:

 ¹ Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, ² fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³ Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Pastor Steve touches on an idea based on the second half of verse one that really spoke to my heart. The writer of Hebrews says let us throw off everything that hinders AND the sin that so easily entangles.  There are two different things here that I am being told to let go of. Pastor Steve clarifies by saying"...there are some things that hinder me that are not even sins, but I still have to get rid of them".  There were aspects of my past that were sinful and I struggled with letting them go, but now it seems like I'm not holding on to a sin, but rather that first statement; things that hinder. My memories, my questions, my hypothetical conversations - they are hindering me from fixing my eyes on God. I've having those conversations rather than having conversations with the only One who can truly calm and reassure my heart.

I got rid of physical representations of hindrance today. Old photos, keepsakes. And this time they are not tucked away in a box on the highest shelf of the closet. They are totally gone. I'm hoping that by doing this, the emotional and mental hindrances aren't too far behind. God took me out of the relationship that hindered. Now I'm trying to do my part.

God isn't trying to hurt us by taking things away, He tries to untangle us to give us something better.

Untangling sucks. But my heart would much rather be in conversation with the One who loves unconditionally and has a plan for something better, than pretend to talk to someone who can't give any satisfying explanations.

Elevation

When my sister and I travelled to North Carolina last Easter, we were blessed with the opportunity to attend a serivce at Elevation Church. I have since been downloading the sermons of the Pastor Steve Furtick and listening whenever I get the chance. It never ceases to be amaze me how good God is. He has led me to a church that speaks to my heart and is helping heal my spirit. Despite being unable to physcially attend a service on a Sunday morning, I am able to worship alongside their incredible music leaders and be spiritually challeged as I listen to sermons on iTunes each week.  This church has truly been a blessing to me and I will be forever grateful to my God for the healing He has provided for me through this place.

Something I need to be more diligent of is spending time reflecting and praying about the truths with which God has presented me. I am hoping that by putting my reflections out into the blogosphere I am kept accountable to this. Even if no one is reading, I know Someone will be looking forward to each new post.